#HOLDYOURBREATH

Genre: Horror/Supernatural

Average Netflix Rating: 2.5 Stars

Hold Your Breath or its official name - #Holdyourbreath is the newest in a line of horror movies about a murderous spirit bouncing from body to body. Sometimes the results are great (FALLEN) sometimes they aren't (MY SOUL TO TAKE) Unfortunately for me, this falls into the bad category. The really really bad category. 

After a serial killer is given the electric chair - his enraged spirit is trapped in limbo, just waiting for the chance to take over the body of a living person... luckily a group of high school friends are just about to start a camping weekend right by said graveyard! Lucky for everyone in the car, one of the travelers knows how to avoid being possessed by an evil spirit. Whenever you drive past a cemetery, all you need to do is hold your breath or the spirit can take over your body. As the group gets closer and closer to the cemetery the girl begs and pleads her friends to please #holdyourbreath... obviously for fairly stupid reasons someone in the car does not successfully hold their breath for the required amount of time and therefore becomes possessed by the spirit of a serial killer. After a random adventure in a mental institution the group continues to the camp site and the rest of the film is just the group being split up for stupid reasons and being killed off one by on as the spirit passes from person to person. Until a laughable final "battle" between good and evil that still doesn't resolve the main plot... you need to wait an additional 5 mins for the "surprise twist ending" 

Everything about this movie is bad... There is nothing good to say about this movie except it looks like your standard horror movie - not the cheap direct to video crap that it is. The biggest mistake the movie makes is it makes it 100% clear where and within whom the spirit is possessing. There is no mystery as to who will be next to be killed, when you know who is possessed and the group begins to pair off, you know who is going to get whacked next... While it would not fix the many problems of the movie, it would at least be slightly more suspenseful if you had no idea who the killer was and which pair was doomed.  

Let me say it again... everything about this movie is just bad, the acting was bad, the story was bad, the effects were bad, the plot was bad - and most of all tons of things just don't make sense...Why do you have to hold your breath when you drive past a cemetery BUT if you are just walking by the cemetery you are ok? Do they explain it in the movie? No - but they do acknowledge it Thank you screen writer for acknowledging the giant hole in your story but that does not solve your problem.

The movie is littered with silly stories and plot points that are meaningless. After a near car accident (horror cliche) a couple decides to go off to have sex (horror cliche) The rest of the group goes off to follow them, leaving 1 person behind (horror cliche) The group stumbles upon an abandoned hospital (horror cliche) and the group seperates to explore (horror cliche) But the worst off all - there is no reason for this! The ghost isnt in the hospital, theres no files or photos to stumble across... it is just an excuse to add 20 mins to the movies run time... 

Lastly - whats with the hashtag? It has nothing to do with the plot or the movie, were the film makers really that delusional that they thought they were going to take over the twitterverse with this movie? 

Avoid a all costs...

Rating:  1/5

Smiley (2012)

Genre: Horror/Slasher

Average Netflix Rating: 2.9

Smiley is one of those movies that I have been waiting and waiting for. When it was screened in 2010 it achieved a lot of buzz around the horror community but no one gave very many details of what Smiley was all about. Smiley was pushed away onto some dusty shelf and left there until 2012 when the studio was doing a little spring cleaning and decided to just give the film a quick and limited theatrically release - and now 6 months later, the films is finally widely released for home viewing... so after all that, is it worth watching? Yes and no... but first a quick synopsis...

Mentally unstable Ashley finally moves away from home and is excited to be starting a new life away from her family tragedy. Nerdy Ashley answers an add for a roommate and is moving into hip and edgy Proxy's home right on campus and the unlikely pair instantly hit it off.   Proxy introduces sheltered Ashley to drugs, drinking, and the world of anonymous online posting chatting, and partying - yes partying. No real names at these parties just online handles and instead of beer pong and flip cup everyones on computers or watching projected images on the walls. While Ashley is getting used to this new world, she learns about the urban legend of Smiley - when you are video chatting with someone, if you type "I did it for the lulz..." 3 times Smiley will appear behind the person and kill them...Ashley's already unstable minds begin to crack as she see's more and more proof that Smiley is real and is now after her...

"I did it for the lulz..." Did I lose you yet?

I will admit that I was having a hard time getting on bored with a horror movie that wants me to be be afraid of the line "I did it for the lulz..." BUT I actually found myself enjoying this movie quite a bit. This movie NAILS the jump scare - some people hate the cliche jump scare and think of it as a lazy copout but I think its actually very difficult to pull off a good jump scare as most horror fans can see them coming a mile away, but Smiley got me more then once... Bravo Smiley, Bravo... Other then then that - don't look for a lot of terror or gore here. Its your standard slasher flick with a techno twist. The plot of the movie is nothing that you haven't seen before - its a mix of a bunch of movies that you have already seen and its not even remotely original in anyway, shape or form - but it knows it and it embraces it. I look at it as a love letter to the techno/horror movies of the past. Most of the actors do an ok job with the script they were given --- 2 of the actors stick out in my mind as scene stealingly terrible but on the flip side I really think we are going to see more of the girl who played Proxy. The movie kept me (kinda) guessing until the end as to what was going on and while the end wasn't the end that I wanted - it has set the tone for what could be an even better sequel. 

Rating -  4/5

Children's Hospital: Season 1 & 2

Genre: TV comedy

Average Netflix Rating: 3.9 stars

Synopsis: Children's Hospital explores the emotional struggles and sexual politics of a group of doctors charged with healthy libidos. Their dedication to their personal lives is relentless, interrupted only by the occasional need to treat sick children.

Take ER, Grey's Anatomy, and House and roll it all together - then make the Drs horny, stupid, and laugh out loud funny - throw in a cripple, some lesbian overtones, terminally ill children and a bloody clown who heals using only the power of laughter - and you get Children's Hospital. The key to enjoying this show is to ask how far is too far to go with humor? If it goes to far are you offended or are you laughing even harder? Children's Hospital is a smart, sexy, and slapstick take on the medical drama. The jokes range from juvenile gags of slapstick to slick one liners. What really ups the hilarity is the offensive nature of many of the jokes and plot lines. Child abuse, AIDS, 9/11, MS, cancer... All things that you might have a hard laughing about - but you will be! Children's Hospital started as an online series so the format of season 1 is fast and furious. Each episode of the first season is only 5 minutes, so the jokes come quick and there's ALOT (there are TONS of subtler jokes in background and set design) - so repeat viewing is a must! The show was so successful online, it was brought to TV and for season 2 the running time of each episode was doubled to 10 minutes. Still fast, still crazy... Pay extra attention anytime there is an announcement over the hospitals PA system - its Michael Cera with some of my favorite one liners.

Where should I put it in my Q? If you have a thick skin, and don't mind some offensive language and tasteless jokes - throw it right at the top of your Q... If your P.C. in any way,shape, or form - skip it all together.

LINK: http://movies.netflix.com/Movie/Children-s-Hospital-Season-1-2/70144644

Take Me Home Tonight (2011)

Genre: Comedy

Average NetFlix Rating: 3.6 Stars

Synopsis: From the writers of "That '70s Show" comes this retro dramatic comedy set a decade later, in the financial boom of the late 1980s, about a recent college grad trying to figure out what to do with his life. Amid the goings-on at a raucous Labor Day party, brilliant but underemployed Matt Franklin (Topher Grace) learns a slew of lessons about life and love in this ensemble-cast film starring Anna Faris, Dan Fogler and Teresa Palmer.

This movie is terrible...NOT! Every so often a movie comes along that's just fun from start to finish, this is one of those movies. There's not much to it, it's basically just a compilation of 5-7 minute scenes that all cut together to show you what happens to 4 friends at an awesome-to-the-max party. So what makes this better then all the other movies that have the same plot?? First of all, it's not all sex jokes and drug gags. There are some scenes with real emotion and real substance, and it's all done very well. Hello Anna Farris - who knew you could actually act?? I was pleasantly surprised! If that doesnt peak your interest then add to it that it's 1988...and you've got magic! Now dont have a cow, buy I have to admit I love everything 80s and most of my enjoyment of this movie were the quick moments when you see a Suncoast Video or hear someone say "Gag me with a spoon" or get some crimped side ponytail action. It's a comedy but don't expect to laugh out loud from start to finish - it's more a smile from ear to ear and chuckle kind of flick... and if your still not sure then maybe this music video will help - it's an radical mash up of 80s iconic moments and really sets the tone for the entire movie...I found 42 80s references can u find more??


Where Should I Put It In My Q? Average person - put it towards the top, children of the 80s or just people who loved the 80s either put it in the #1 spot or just go buy it and TAKE it HOME TONIGHT haha

LINK:http://movies.netflix.com/Movie/Take-Me-Home-Tonight/70117577

Camp Hell (2009)

Genre: Horror

Average Netflix Rating: 2.5 Stars

Synopsis: Each summer at Camp Hope, a priest (Bruce Davison) leads the campers in religious training. But this year, the normally safe retreat turns horrifying when the priest accidentally brings something evil with him into the deep woods. Now, the teenagers attending must battle the devil in a fight for both their souls and their lives. Jesse Eisenberg, Dana Delany, Spencer Treat Clark and Andrew McCarthy star in this psychological thriller.

There are 3 kinds of movies that truly scare me to the bone, aliens, weather, and religious fanatics. I have always been bothered by the stories of people doing insane things in the name of their god or what ever they believe in. It's always extra creepy Bc these people believe deep inside that the things they are doing, they are doing for the right reasons. So when I heard about this movie I was amped to be chilled watching these adults manipulate and destroy the minds of a bunch of impressionable kids at a religious summer camp. Then throw in Jesse Eisenberg and I'm all in with my chips... and I would have gone home broke. Jesse is in the movie for about 6 minutes, certainly not enough to get top billing. Don't even get me started with the actual movie - it's terrible. Horrible. Boring. Miserable. Stupid. Awful. I wanted to like this movie, there were moments that creeped in every so often that made me think this movie was going to get better (demons awaking Bc of premarital sex at camp!!!! Eck!!), then it was 3 steps backwards again. Is there really a demon? Is this a cult? What happened all those years ago? All really great questions that NEVER GET ANSWERED... Stay away...

Where should I put it in my Q? Dont bother... Even if it's on cable, I'd tell you to change the channel...

LINK: http://movies.netflix.com/Movie/Camp-Hell/70127019

Catfish (2010)

Genre: Documentaries

Average Netflix Rating: 3.4 Stars

Synopsis: Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman document the strange series of events that unfolds when a gifted 8-year-old artist named Abby contacts Nev, a 24-year-old photographer (and Schulman's brother), through Facebook. After Abby sends Nev a remarkable painting based on one of his photos, Nev begins corresponding with her family -- including her seductive 19-year-old sister. Realizing that something's not quite right, Nev sets out to uncover the truth.

Now that you have read the synopsis and watched the trailer... Forget everything! The only way to enjoy this movie is to know nothing and expect nothing. The trailer makes it look like a horror thriller... And while the conclusion may seem scary it's no scary movie. This is a classic example of the less you know the better. I will say that this is a movie worth watching. The first 40 minutes are a little slow but then the middle of the movie kicks it into high gear and all you can think is WTF is going on??!!?? Sadly the the last quarter of the film is a little slow again, I personally feel the cat (no pun intended) was let out of the bag a little early, but it's still a CRAZY ass tale. Keep an open mind and remember that it's all true. FYI there's been alot of speculation that this movie isn't true... Well then give these guys an award Bc there's too many random actions that make this real. It might be the main actor simply reaching into his pants to adjust his balls, or pick his nose, or cover his mouth in surprise - but they are too simplistic or even realistic to be acting - I'm a believer that this is a real adventure - and I loved the ride...

Where Should I put it in my Q? I say put it towards the top...

LINK:http://movies.netflix.com/Movie/Catfish/70129454

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FYI all old posts have been updated with trailers... Enjoy!